In the Pursuit of Being Chosen

It is such an honor to have arrived at this place. By now, I hope my readers have begun to sense the depth of my spiritual vulnerability. It has been an uphill battle to accept that I am an open book—and that God has chosen a girl like me to share in such a transparent space.

I recently turned 34 on August 25th. You may wonder why I share this, but those who know me understand: I treat my birthday as a sacred time of reflection and intention. Each year, I pause to write down my goals for the year ahead, the lessons I’ve learned from the year before, and even a few bucket-list dreams I want to see come to life.

And this year, I did just that.

I took some time to step into my safe space and ask both myself and God some tough questions. And in true God fashion, He showed up with such a beautiful yet painful revelation—one that I felt compelled not only to hear, but to rest in and receive.

At first, I struggled to understand what I thought was a negative perspective of myself. But as I rested in it, I leaned into the possibility that He was right. After all, we know that God is all-knowing. Still, it took time for me to truly receive it—twenty-one days of intentionality, to be exact.

For most of my life, I believed I was seeking love. That pursuit eventually grew into advocacy, but beneath it all, I came to realize I was really wrestling with deep abandonment issues. In truth, this wasn’t entirely new. It was the very catalyst that led me to begin blogging in the first place. Writing became my first safe space—the place where I could open myself to God and allow Him to lead me into spiritual growth.

And this is where His revelation settled deep within me: I’ve always wanted to be chosen.

That desire began in childhood—yearning for the attention of an ever-busy single mother. It grew as a young brown girl searching for love in broken boys and men. It showed up in friendships where I clung tightly, calling them sisterhood because they validated me. And it was even present in my pursuit of sororities and outside connections, all for the sake of belonging.

What I wanted was simple, yet profound: for someone, in some way, to desire to possess me—but in love.

We’ve all known those people who have strong circles—close friendships and family who protect them fiercely. The ones others don’t play about, because they’ve got people standing ten toes down for them, right or wrong.

I wanted that.

And if I’m honest, I still want that in some regard.

But God.

God asked me why I had not chosen myself yet. Why I kept seeking validation and advocacy from man. He pressed into my heart, reminding me of the many ways man had already hurt me, already disappointed me. Then He asked me the hardest question of all: Why am I not enough for you?

And I had no answer.

So instead of trying to explain, I responded with action. I began to ask myself: Could I choose me in the same ways I longed for others to choose me? Could I compliment myself, hold myself, affirm myself—not just in words, but in practice?

And the truth was, I could.

What began as twenty-one days of intentionality unfolded into a lifelong journey of self-love. Through reading, yoga, exercising, skydiving—even the small daily decisions to honor my worth—I discovered what it meant to choose myself.

This was it.

I realized that while I have always loved myself and pushed myself to grow, I had often done so with the secret hope of being chosen. But now, it is no longer about earning love. It is about the radical act of simply choosing me.

And to my daughters, and to anyone reading these words—I pray you remember this: you are already chosen by God. Never wait for someone else to affirm what He has already spoken over your life. Choose yourself, every single day, and let that choice be rooted in the truth that you are already loved beyond measure.

That’s it. That’s the blog.

Choose you.

Be blessed,

De’dria Louise Bynum